Our choice of words reveal our unconscious biases … or not.

この記事の日本語版はこちら。

I wrote this English version for both English native speaking readers and English non-native speaking readers.

I was having lunch with a good friend at an Italian restaurant that just opened in our neighborhood. Our topic turned to aging and older people’s propensity to hold onto their long-held views. I brought up my mom, who still refers to non-Japanese people as “gaijin” (which means “outside people” and has often been used for derogatory or alienating purposes, as opposed to gaikokujin, which is a neutral word, simply meaning people from outside Japan). I said to my friend, “It makes me cringe every time my mom uses this word. I can see a glimpse of her bigotry through her use of words like that.”

There are words we should avoid using. Take the English word, “retarded,” for example. If someone calls you “retarded” to mean that you are being stupid, that’s not okay because their choice of word is offensive and insulting to the people with intellectual disabilities. As Ms. Rakshitha Arni Ravishankar from Harvard Business Review puts it, using these words “reveal our unconscious biases” (2020).

But does it always?

As I was recalling the conversation with my friend, I started wondering: Does mom actually have negative feelings towards non-Japanese people? Is it really bigotry? What if she used the word simply out of familiarity and without even thinking of its derogatory connotations?

Sure, we should know better than to use such words. We should always choose to say “African Americans,” “Native Americans,” and “Inuit,” rather than their pejorative counterparts. But things are not always so clear cut. How about “ghetto”? “Blacklist”? Or “Hip hip hooray”? Did you know “fuzzy wuzzy” wasn’t really a bear, but that’s how British soldiers in the 1800s would refer to East Africans, who had curly hair and dark skin? And that “No can do” was originally a mockery of broken English spoken by Chinese immigrants to the U.S.? (See here for more examples.)

Ai Taniguchi, a linguist and an associate language studies professor with University of Toronto Mississauga, says, “Being an English speaker doesn’t entail that you necessarily know the racist etymology automatically” (Hwang, 2021). She continues, “The fact that you said it, oblivious to the etymology, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.”

That’s true. I should probably cut my mom some slack.

Then my mind turned to people who are learning English as a foreign language. If it’s hard enough for native speakers to keep up with the social appropriateness of different words, imagine just how hard it would be in a foreign language. What makes it even trickier is, these linguistic norms constantly change; a common expression today may be frowned upon tomorrow.

So yes. It is impossible to know the origin and social appropriateness of every single word we use. That said, we cannot forgo our responsibility as a communicator because there is always someone on the receiving end. “‘I didn’t know it was racist’ does not eliminate the pain of the hearer,” says Taniguchi. It is important that we recognize our choice of words may be hurting someone, without us even knowing it, and at the same time, we should do our best to educate ourselves and continuously update our lexicon.

We don’t want to communicate biases that we don’t even have, thus inadvertently perpetuating inequality and discrimination against certain groups of people, not to mention offending them.

Here are my takeaways:

We need to be responsible for the words we use. If we don’t know, we ask (This is particularly important for English learners!). If we made a mistake, we apologize and learn from it.

Be generous with someone else’s choice of words. They may not be aware of a word’s offensive origin because they haven’t had a chance to learn it or because English is not their first language. If you hear someone using a derogatory word, don’t be so quick to judge. Kindly let them know that it’s not appropriate and suggest an alternative.

I decided to ask my mom what is on her mind when she uses the word “gaijin.” Sure enough, she told me she simply means “people from outside Japan.” She also said that that’s how her mom would refer to foreigners. I explained to her how the term “gaijin” has been used historically and how the word has hurt my husband and my friends. I asked her questions. She asked me questions. Each of us came out of the conversation, feeling good, with new perspectives.

That leads to my third takeaway:

Have an open conversation. With an open mind, curiosity, and compassion, we can turn quick judgments and/or hurt feelings into an opportunity to understand each other better and help each other become a more respectful member of this world.

Each of us has the power to advocate for people who have been marginalized or discriminated against and promote more respect and inclusion in society, with the words we choose to use.

Here is a great site that helps us be more inclusive with our language: